An Uneasy Preparation

Valentine’s day! What day would be better to prepare for my forthcoming doom than the day of forced romantic approval?



I honestly enjoy Valentine’s, and I can’t shake the feeling that the hesitance to kick-start my new, improved, healthy lifestyle is because of it. Hell, any day that presents to me an excuse to jam handfuls of chocolate into my face is welcome as part of my calendar.
Married? Celebrate your union with handfuls of chocolate! Have a partner? Get together and shovel candy into each other’s throats! Single? Pity yourself while digging through a pile of sugary goodness! You even have the excuse of trying to forget your suffering! Everyone wins!

And so I will do what I have dreamt of doing but always failed to: eat chocolate, listen to Mozart and read Victorian love poetry in a pinstripe suit. Candy is still on the table because my loan has yet to arrive, and a package from home with all its delicious gooey extravaganza arrived just in time.
Crisis averted.



But first I need to prepare. Yes, believe it or not, starting a healthier life needs preparation. Who would’ve thunk it.

It does for me, anyway. I’m used to eating whatever is biggest, deadest and in closest proximity to my hungry belly. Now I suddenly have to THINK about what I press into my faceholes. What gives.
Luckily I have my own personal scientist and token vegetarian to help me.

A pescetarian lifestyle will, of course, bring certain problems to the table. Most notably having to join the vegetarians in their eternal struggle against their mortal enemy, gelatine.



Besides the obvious avoidance of meat and meat products in shopping items and cafés, I will also have to learn how to cook food that is slightly more complicated than “have bacon, fry bacon, digest bacon” (with the occasional egg when I’m feeling adventurous).
The cooking aspect, which I am sure we will return to at a later date, is not really what is going to be the death of me though.

Oh no. See, while most people will have a problem leaving meat because they love it so much (and I do. So, so much), I have the bigger issue of not really liking anything EXCEPT meat.


This is a bit of a problem, since I can’t really live off of a diet of pasta and cucumbers, no matter what my Norwegian friend might tell you.



So not only do I have to learn how to do that cooking which I can’t do but I also have to not starve myself to death.
Then again I suppose I haven’t really tried THAT many kinds of vegetables and legumes and… nuts and… root vegetables and seeds and… Oh god what am I doing with my life.



Trying to deal with my surprisingly hard decision of not dying of blood clotting and meat-cancer, I do what I always do instead of doing things: make lists of what I should do. Or buy. Shopping-lists are addictive.

What food I WILL allow:
- fish
- eggs
- milk
- honey (for now. Honey is gross but it will help me slow over from my sugar addiction)

So I’ll be a… not very hardcore vegetarian. Ovo-lacto-pescetarian?



I am going to need:
- a wok-pan (maybe probably. If I get a deep one I can use a steamer as well. Sweeeet.)
- a smaller pan for rice or vegetables (I only have one that doesn’t look like it has syphilis.)
- ovenproof dish
- lidded containers to store leftovers in
- god’s mercy

But now I have poetry and classical music to attend to. And possibly some work. Maybe.

A project that might fail super-hard

Hello, my name is T and I’m a douchebag.



No way around it. Sure, I’ve reached that special height of douchebaggery where even my friends deny that I am a true and utter asshole, but that doesn’t really take away from the fact that I am not a very nice person. Or even a decent human being.
I am lazy, rude, uninspired, sarcastic, lying, unintelligent, unhealthy and a horde of other things that will ensure my dying alone in a shed somewhere.

To accompany this charming collection of unwanted personality traits I am also kind of messed up. Insomnia being my biggest nemesis at the moment, which my addiction to caffeine and sugar isn’t helping in the slightest.
So I visited a doctor and he told me that living healthy might actually help me in the long run.



HAH! Healthy! I am nothing if not for unhealthy living, this glorious, socially accepted way of committing suicide. Nay I say! Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, then put them on my grill and cover them in bacon grease.

Well, my computer died for a few days, and I suddenly realized how much insomnia truly sucks without internet. Sleeplessness is bad enough, but sleeplessness without entertainment or human contact is insufferable.



I finished three books in two days and restarted my computer thirty-seven times. Finally I got her on her feet again, internet and all, and I made a decision.

I am going to make myself into a better person.

You’re damn right I will. I usually get these urges to improve myself about once a year and they never lasts longer than, say, two-three weeks at the most, and then they fade away like whoa.
Being a crap person is easier after all, right? And having failed at becoming a better person approximately fifteen billion times I’d kind of given up on it. But no.

Fuck that shit.

I am going to improve myself SO HARD.
And what better way to chronicle this event than post it online? Hell, no one even needs to read it. It will just stand as a monument to my victories and my enormous amount of failures.

So first and foremost, I need short-time goals that I can overcome so I don’t jump on the Dumbass-express to Failuretown like I normally do. Marvel at this shit.

Until the end of March, I will be a pescetarian.

That’s right. No meat. I will allow myself fish because I need to stay true to my Norwegian roots and Norway is nothing but mountains, fish and oil, and only one of those are edible.
I will also have no energy drinks or candy, and no sugar outside what small amounts is needed in cooking.
Yeah this is gonna go to hell.

Other things I will do:
- Finally start posting my art online (and not just on facebook because that’s lazy)
- Get my visual diary and PDP portfolio and crap in order
- Begin exercising again. At least enough that I can get off my chair without feeling tired.
- Woooooooooooooork hardeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer
- Not die (optional)

So that’s it, folks. I will keep it off until I get my loan and can actually buy things, but when I do…

I will become the BEST person.
The very best.



Yeah! Let’s DO this!

… After my loan arrives.